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My husband quit his job for a less well paid role without mentioning a thing


DEAR DEIDRE: My husband quit his job without telling me, and I think he’s having a midlife crisis.

I want to be supportive, but it feels like he’s making a huge mistake.

We’ve been married for 20 years. He’s 49 and I’m 48. 

He’s been working from home for years, seemingly happily, as a self-employed designer.

Suddenly, he announced he felt unfulfilled and had got a job in a big tech agency in London.

I worry because his new job is fairly junior, involves a very long commute and he’ll be working with people in their 20s. 

He’s never once said he was unhappy in his current job and I know he’s not good at being told what to do – especially by Millennials.

I fear he’s going to hate it and end up out of work. 

I’m already the main breadwinner, so this puts more pressure on me. 

And I’m hurt that he didn’t talk to me first. Am I overreacting?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s natural you feel concerned as, to you, his decision seems to be spontaneous and reckless.

But it’s very likely he’s been thinking about this for a long time. It’s just a shame he didn’t feel able to discuss it with you first. 

Perhaps he felt you wouldn’t approve, so kept it to himself until he got the job.

I imagine the communication in general within your relationship isn’t brilliant. So let him know you’d like to improve this.

Try to be encouraging so that he feels more comfortable confiding in you.

I’m sending you my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to help you both.

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