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Advice | Ask Amy: Boyfriend is angry, I didn’t ask him to go shopping for wedding dresses

dear Amy: I live with my fiancé and our cat, and I am very happy. We are getting married at Disneyland next year!

I have everything I ever wanted for my dream wedding, including riding in Cinderella’s crystal carriage.

My mom and I made a plan to go shopping for wedding dresses together. I also invited my future mother-in-law to join us. My fiancé has no sisters and his mother always wanted a daughter. She and I are very close.

The problem is, a friend of mine is really offended. He says he regrets that I didn’t ask him to come with me on this clothing shopping excursion, but that I chose to bring my fiancé’s mother.

He said it is usually a bridal party of close friends, or just the bride and mother of the bride going shopping for a dress. I intend to continue with my plan to include the two most special women in my life. But I wonder, am I wrong?

Bride: Examining your question I’ve now looked at numerous photos of Disneyland brides riding in Cinderella’s crystal carriage (which is pulled by four white ponies and led by a driver and two footmen).

In a world ravaged by challenges, conflict, and postponed dreams, I’m actually happy to report that…this kind of “fairytale wedding” is a thing! The Cinderella dream is alive and well and available — for a price — in Anaheim, California (and other locations).

In terms of your question, it is a true fact that – although Cinderella had a fairy mother who would shop for her dress – any bride or groom has the right to include anyone they want when shopping for their own wedding attire.

Sometimes it involves friends, wedding planners, relatives or future in-laws. And yes, I give you permission to exclude this pushy friend.

(When I got married, I only had a flock of bluebirds to help me get dressed.)

Your friend is wrong, you are right, and I hope you have the fairytale wedding of your dreams.

dear Amy: I am currently in an empty marriage. I want to divorce.

We have been a couple for 29 years but married for 11 years. We didn’t get married until we were 18 years old. I was a fool, but didn’t realize it until we were finally married and had our son.

I have been seriously unhappy for about five years, but even before that my unhappiness was increasing. Now I am attracted to someone else and want to leave the marriage. I am determined to leave.

In the meantime, should I reveal how I feel for this person I’m attracted to? I think he feels the same about me, but he’s holding back because I’m still married. I told him that I am not happy and that my husband and I sleep in separate rooms. But the bottom line is that I’m still married.

What do you think I should do?

sad: You’ve said you’re leaving your very long relationship, and yet the question you’re asking is actually about getting into a new relationship.

People often leave an already unhappy relationship only when someone else comes along, giving them the emotional incentive to leave. It’s easier to leave if you think you’re headed for something positive that feels life-affirming and exciting.

You should also ask yourself: If this other man doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, would you choose to stay in your marriage? Are you willing and able to go it alone?

You’ve already telegraphed your displeasure to this other man, including him in some intimate details about your marriage.

The ethical thing to do (which is also the right thing to do) is to separate your motivations for leaving and deal with your marriage — and especially your child’s well-being — before you get emotionally entangled with another person.

Dear readers: Was your question ever published in the “Ask Amy” column? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Did you accept or reject my advice? Was the problem you wrote about ever solved?

As part of our ongoing conversation about human behavior and its consequences, I’d like to know how it turned out for you.

Please – get in touch! Write me at askamy@amydickinson.com – write UPDATE in the subject line and tell me your story.

I welcome the opportunity to get back in touch.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson, distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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