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Advice | Ask Amy: Friend With Addiction Has Now ‘Found God To The End’


Dear Amy: Over the past two decades, my partner and I have helped a friend through several abusive relationships, rehab, and financial problems. Now, in contrast to her history of addiction, she has suddenly “found God” to the hilt.

She carries a Bible, goes to Bible study, and her Facebook posts are all about God. She says she wants to move on from her past, but then posts, “Looking for a hot Christian man because I’m a hot Christian woman.”

Yes, she’s definitely a “babe” (and she dresses like one), but I’ve suggested a milder route in her quest for purity. She disagrees and says I just don’t get it.

Maybe I don’t get it, but if she got a job and called God back a few steps, I think “Hot Man” would find her. While entertaining, after more than 20 years we are getting tired of the drama. Any idea where God is going with this? Is this another addiction running its course?

Spiritual: Healthy as my own ego may be, not even I can claim to speak for God. Perhaps you should view this stage as just another example of the mysterious ways of your friend’s higher power.

Yes, she sounds exhausting, and yes, in my opinion, this sudden hyper-religiosity could be fostered by the same brain circuits that fueled her various addictions. Fortunately, this isn’t your lifelong task to sort out.

I would think that after over 20 years of intervening and trying to protect your girlfriend from her own addictions, passions, and choices, you would take this as your cue to “let go and let God.” Stand up.

Your friend will probably want to invite you to the rescue once this phase is over, her “hot guy” turns out to be a hot dog, or the sand under her metaphorical house shifts beneath her. You can then decide whether you want to intervene again.

Dear Amy: For the past 25 years I have been part of a little “game night.” The group consists of a married couple, “Travis” (a single man) and myself. We met monthly for very pleasant evenings. The married couple recently had a bitter divorce, but have now reconciled and are “working it out.”

The woman just told me that during one of their fights, her husband accused me and Travis of saying disparaging things about her. This is categorically not true. As hurtful as this has been, I kept her comments to myself as I didn’t want to drag Travis into the fray. I haven’t spoken to the man.

Soon it will be my turn to host, but I can’t put aside my anger at him and my distrust of her. Any suggestions on how I can approach this diplomatically?

Pawn: I wonder why second hand people pass disparaging remarks or accusations to the innocent party.

Usually these comments are repeated to try and discredit the person who (allegedly) made them: (“When we had a fight, Stan told me you said mean things about me!”) And yet this report always works backfires, because the innocent party now feels like you – both disliking and distrusting people.

I suggest calling the woman or writing an email. You could say that you are genuinely happy that she and her husband are working it out together, but that you are hurt by the accusation she passed on to you. You might add, “I now wonder why you told me that, because not only am I attracted to your problems, but now I’m holding on to this baseless accusation. I have never discredited you, to your husband or anyone else. I chose not to pass this on to Travis, and I hope you don’t either. I would like to move on, but I want to be honest with you about how this has affected me.”

This friend owes you an apology.

Dear Amy:KQ in Kentuckybrought up the contemporary annoyance of people yelling into their cell phones.

I was at an airport waiting for my flight and the person next to me was absolutely screaming into his phone (the area was quiet). I tried to read and eventually got tired of it, so I just started reading aloud. Very out loud.

Traveler: The comments on this topic are pouring in, and… this is that rare topic that everyone agrees on. Stop yelling!

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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