Share her story. For the first time, Cara Delevyne talks about getting sober and how she realized she needed help.
In an interview for FashionApril’s cover story, the Paper cities star, 30, addressed the September 2022 photos of her at the airport, leading fans to worry about her well-being.
‘I hadn’t slept. I was out of order,” Delevingne said of the photos, which were taken when the model had just returned from Burning Man. “It’s heartbreaking because I thought I was having fun, but at one point I thought, ‘Okay, I don’t look good.’ You know, sometimes you need a reality check, so in a way those pictures were something to be thankful for.
Despite knowing there was a problem, the British-born woman initially struggled with showing vulnerability to her loved ones.
“I love my friends so much, but it often felt like they were superficial relationships just because I couldn’t be honest about the things I was going through. I didn’t want to burden anyone. It was also like ‘What if people leave?’ If you asked any of my friends, they’d say they’d never seen me cry before,” Delevingne explained.
She continued: “From September I just needed support. I had to start reaching. And my old friends that I’ve known since I was 13, they all came over and we started crying. They looked at me and said, “You deserve a chance to have joy.” ”
Reflecting on the events leading up to her breaking point, the Only kills in the building actress recalled that she went through a period of isolation and then decided to go to the other extreme.
“The house I stayed in had a tower and instead I just locked myself in it. I barely got out of the room. There was a need for change, but I fought it so hard. I was welcoming in this new age, but I was also grieving. It was like a funeral for my past life, a farewell to an era. And so I decided I was going to party as hard as I could because this was the end,” she recalled.
Delevingne added that using drugs made her feel “invincible,” putting herself at risk.
“I put myself in danger in those moments because I don’t care about my life. I would climb anything and jump off things…it felt wild. It’s scary for the people around you who love you,” she said.
Fearing that she would “either end up dead” or do “something very, very stupid” if she continued on the path she was following, the Carnival row alum went to rehab and went through a 12 step program.
“I used to be always on the quick fix of healing, going on a week-long retreat or going to a trauma course, and that helped for a while, but it never really got to the root, the deeper stuff,” Delevingne shared. “This time I realized that a 12-step treatment was best, and it was about not being embarrassed about it.”
Although the Anna Karenina actress now “enjoying” her new sober lifestyle, she stressed that recovery isn’t just a box to check off.
“You’re not recovering, and that’s okay. That’s why I prefer ‘healing’ because that’s what I’m doing all the time,” she explained.
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If you or someone you know is having problems with substance abuse, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for free and confidential information 24/7.