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Holly Madison: I “reawaken the trauma” every time I review “Playboy.”

Holly Madison has spoken at length about the traumatic consequences of living in the Playboy country house, but it’s not always easy.

“It’s very healing, but every time I talk about it, it kind of wakes up the trauma again,” the model, 43, told Exclusive Us weekly earlier this month. “So I’m a little careful about when I talk and in what context.”

The former Girls next door star, which dated Playboy founder Hugh Hefner from 2001 to 2008, has deliberately chosen where and when to discuss her history with the famed magazine and Hefner (who died in 2017 at age 91).

Thanks to Holly Madison/Instagram

“I recently talked about it then Bridget [Marquardt] and I started our podcast [‘Girls Next Level’] late last year, and I talked about it [the A&E miniseries] Secrets of Playboy last year too,” Madison explained. “I didn’t really want to, but I knew so many other women came forward with their stories. I wanted to support that because I know what it feels like to be one person coming out and no one supporting you. That was important to me.”

The Oregon native has previously claimed that there was a “cult-like” atmosphere at the Playboy Mansion, claiming she was supposed to have group sex with Hefner twice a week. Madison doesn’t easily remember such dark times.

Holly Madison

Charles Sykes/Shutterstock Charles Sykes/Shutterstock

“But it’s hard to sit there for a whole day, or two days in the case of that Secrets of Playboywhere someone interviews you about all the intimate and horrible moments of seven years of your life,” she said Us. “It wasn’t a fun interview to do, but I felt it was necessary.”

Her next TV show, IDs The Playboy Murders, will explore the trauma of those killed after their worlds crossed the famous magazine. Madison hosts and produces the six-episode anthology series.

“When I was approached to do this show, I was given a deck of cards with a description of all the cases in it. I was really compelled by it because not only are these extremely interesting cases and all six of them are very different, but I had never even heard of most of these cases. Down the rabbit hole author explained. “I thought I knew everything about the history of Playboy and everything that happened to each playmate, but I had never heard of this. So I was extremely intrigued and I knew this was the kind of show I’d want to see whether or not I was involved. So that was a resounding yes for me.”

The Playboy Murders premieres on ID Monday, January 23 at 10 p.m. ET.

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