JANA HOCKING: These are the five sex languages

I woke up yesterday morning with a glow that can only be obtained from a good nudie rudie session with my favorite gentleman. I was on a natural high for the rest of the day.

Seriously, it was like being administered some kind of panacea – a mix of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins and a touch of oxytocin.

As I skipped through my day, I reflected on my early morning roll in the hay and realized I’d found someone who matched my “sex language.”

Your sexual language? I hear you thinking. Yes, that’s exactly what it was.

By now, you’ve probably heard of the five “love languages.” They are the five different ways we all choose to express and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

But your sexual language is very different and there are five to choose from: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and shapeshifter.

We all seem to possess a love language or two. For example, I show my love through physical touch, but prefer to receive love through words of affirmation.

That’s all very sweet, and of course it helps to match you with someone who can meet your needs on an emotional scale, but why do we underestimate the importance of sex when it comes to getting into a successful relationship?

I have met the most amazing men who have ticked all the right boxes when it comes to love languages. One in particular would shower me with words of affirmation. I’d wake up to “Good morning beautiful” texts and constant reinforcement that I was the only one for him (yes, I know I’m a needy bastard).

But do you know why it didn’t work… because when we got under the sheets, it was all a little meh. We spoke different sex languages. I like a little rough and tumble, he prefers sweet and nice lovemaking. We talk face-strokes mid-session and look deeply into my eyes as we “made love.”

No, just no.

And it’s not just me. I caught up with a friend last week who has been taking it easy with a guy she is dating. Last weekend she decided he could be a keeper, so they did the deed. When I met her for brunch the next day, she looked grim. “Sooooo how was it?” I asked. She let out a melancholy sigh and said only two words… “Not good.”

For the next hour she complained that he was perfect in every other way, just not in the sack. It made a weird growling noise and acted like a jackhammer.

Let’s not ignore our love interests right now. Sure, I’ve had mediocre sex with a guy, but practice makes perfect, and it can be salvageable. But the wrong sex languages ​​can lead to a hard no.

So how do you know what your sex language is? And how do you find your match?

Well, if there’s anyone who would know it’s our sister in all things sex – Gwyneth Paltrow. Deep in her junk archives, I found one of her sexologists known as Jaya who designed something she calls the “Erotic Blueprint.”

It is an arousal card that reveals your primary erotic language. There are five to choose from:

The sensual type

This sexual language refers to someone who likes the taste and smell when it comes to the bedroom.

Jaya said they “bring their artistry” and want to “walk into a beautiful environment when they get into their erotic play.”

“The superpower of sensual is that they can access orgasmic pleasure through sensations throughout the body — it’s not always a genital-focused orgasm,” said Jaya.

“It could be something like someone giving you a delicious piece of chocolate while they lick the back of your knee.”

The energetic type

This is someone who is turned on by anticipation, space, teasing, desire, yearning, and is also “very sensitive.”

Jaya said that “energetic” might be your love language if you “feel everything before a kiss happens.”

“It’s like, oh my god, oh my god, we’re going to kiss.” We’re going to kiss, ah. That feeling,’ she said.

“You’re very, very sensitive, so it doesn’t take much to get excited. It’s like dropping a stone into water. If you drop the pebble into the water, the ripples go out.”

The sexual type

The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we consider “adult content” in our culture – such as nudity, genitals, orgasm, penetration.

Those who have a sexual type are often aroused quite easily and can go from zero to 100 quickly.

It’s not that there’s a lack of depth, but there’s a simplicity. It’s like I love this. This is what works. Let’s do this,’ Jaya said.

‘It’s very simple in some ways; it’s easier to access arousal through the genitals’

The kinky type

Unlike the earlier sex languages, the kinky type is someone who gets turned on by taboo – be it something psychological or physical.

On the psychological end of the spectrum, Jaya said this kink is where power dynamics are involved, while something more sensation-based is more about “the feeling of ropes on their skin or impact play, or intense sensation that arises.”

It’s not necessarily what we think of as kink, though; it’s about what’s taboo for you,’ Jaya said.

The shapeshifter type

Finally, the shapeshifter type refers to someone who can be aroused in any way possible – sensual, sexual, kinky and energetic.

“The superpower of a shape-shifter is that they can change shape to be a great lover for anyone,” said Jaya.

“They can say, ‘Oh, my partner is sensual – I will shapeshift to be sensual.’ And that gets them excited.’