DEAR DEIDRE: THE hot gossip among the parents at my children’s primary school is about my husband – who had sex with another PTA mum.
Our son was best friends with this woman’s son, but now they’ve moved him to another school to avoid seeing me and my husband.
Our son is missing his friend, I’m furious and, meanwhile, my husband continues as if nothing has changed.
My blood is boiling and yet he thinks that because he said sorry once, we should move on.
I can’t let it go so he’s sleeping on the sofa, but is making no effort and acts as if he is the victim.
I am 36 and my husband is 38. We have been together for eight years.
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I didn’t suspect a thing until he started becoming possessive with his phone.
So one day when he was in the bath, I took a look and was shocked by what I found.
There were sexy photos and explicit messages between them — even exchanges about how good the sex had been.
All of a sudden the extra “summer fete meetings” made sense.
I wanted him to leave but he insisted on staying with me.
He said he didn’t love the other woman, that it was nothing, it was over, and she was just a friend. He doesn’t talk much nor will he discuss the affair.
He has made no effort to support me nor acknowledge my feelings. I seriously don’t understand his true intentions at all.
Does he really love me and want to be with me?
DEIDRE SAYS: He is the one who messed up so surely he should be doing the hard work to get me back.
After such a troubling discovery, it’s no wonder your confidence in him has plummeted, while your anger has shot up.
Talk to him and explain what you want and need from him. Ask him to be honest.
He must be prepared to work hard to convince you he loves you, and only you.
He can’t just brush this under the carpet and pretend it didn’t happen.
Unless he is prepared to make major concessions to show he is dedicated, you need to question if he will ever be capable of making you happy again.
My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help.
You would also benefit from couples counselling.
Tavistockrelationships.org offers online and in-person counselling.
