DEAR DEIDRE: My wife was having an affair with a man the same age as our son.
She says it meant nothing and was only about sex but I’m not sure I can forgive the betrayal.
I discovered she was cheating because I decided to take her to a show straight from work as a surprise.
Waiting in a cafe over the road from her office, I saw her walking out the front of the building.
I was about to stand up and greet her when I saw her turn and kiss a much younger man very intensely on the mouth.
He looked the same age as our 21-year-old lad and I’ve since discovered he’s a new colleague, aged 22.
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I froze and didn’t know whether to confront them or wait until they noticed me.
I ended up going to the pub to try to get my head straight.
A couple of pints later I went home and confronted my wife.
She was so surprised and admitted that they had been having a sexual affair — but swears she is not in love with him.
I am 48 and my wife is 46. We have been married for 18 years and have two children, aged 15 and 21.
I have found the past few years very difficult with my job. I’ve been pretty low and know it was hard work for my wife. The surprise tickets were about me showing her I still appreciated her.
My intentions backfired as I wanted to show her I was trying to shake off my mood and have fun.
She insists she has no feelings for this man but I am not sure where I go from here.
I don’t really have anyone I can confide in.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If she is determined to commit again to your marriage, then you may want to give her a second chance.
But you will both need to deal with how this has affected your relationship and what went wrong.
You admit you have been low and depression can have a huge impact on marriages and families, although this is no excuse for cheating.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how to rebuild your relationship and where to get help.
A couples counsellor can help too. Check out tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975) which has counsellors who will be able to look at depression in relationships.
